An Ikaruga Review is now online and is the first page here at dorkclub.com to utilize style sheets. That makes two articles, from me, in two days. You do the math.

日本のみんなさん！　このドーッククラブのホームぺーじへよおこそ！　でも、”fuck” は日本語で何と言いますかわからないから、このページをほんやくするはできませ
ん。ほんとうにしつれえしました。

We have all kinds of new and exciting things to keep you entertained during your stay with us here at The DORK Club. Most notably, a brand new article, from yours truly, titled His and His Circumstances: The Collected Works. Don’t let the title not fool you, the article’s nothing more than those disturbing pieces of slash fiction I’ve been writing lately, all bundled together in a tight little package, including the never before seen act with some slight alterations to the previous four acts. Fear not, for the original four acts are still hidden amongst this site’s previous updates in their wholly unaltered forms. See, unlike George Lucas, I pride myself on not mangling classic works of art, or in this case, filth.

Next up are six new Warcraft 3 replays. Soon I won’t even have a backlog of those things anymore. What will I do with my time once that happens? Answer: not much.

And finally, I’ve added two new links to the links page which I’m mentioning here only because it makes me feel productive. New links include (and are limited to) both Cockeyed.com and Sirlin.net, neither of which will steer you wrong.

I miss the days when I thought I was going somewhere
But then I heard the news
You can’t beat the boss in Bionic Commando
He kills you every time.

But what am I supposed to do
Flip the power switch myself?
The coward’s way out is not mine might be yours it’s not mine
So I guess I’ll fight on.

And I’ve got no use for fine, fancy art
It’s like an invisibility cape that only hides me from me not from them
And it obscures what little I know
Makes me question what collision detection I thought I could count on
While failing in assailing those more permanent, obnoxious things
Like death
Like the final Bionic Commando Boss-Man

Greetings, everyone, from the new head of the DORK club.

Some of you may have noticed yesterday that the Inn Music Database recieved more hits than on the day of the original cluster-linking from several mysterious Japanese sites. It would seem that the original traffic served to get dorkclub.com noticed by an even bigger mysterious Japanese site. In order to cut down on bandwidth costs, I was forced to move the sound files to a hidden folder.

Yep. That was entirely my doing. All me.

Don’t worry, I’m still in charge. Everything’s fine.

(vector_black download cap club)

So. That was certainly easier than I thought…

Right. So. For my first act as new head of the DORK club, I declare today to be a national holiday. For dorks.

…yeah, uh….

I’m in charge. Don’t worry.

(vector_black In Charge club)

I have decided that wedge is no longer fit to lead the DORK club, so I’m taking over!

Hear that, everbody? Wedge55 is out… vector_black is now at the helm! Feel free to contact me with any questions regarding the DORK club’s new management.

As I recall, somebody else once tried to depose wedge55 (dataterrorist, egomaniac) with less-than-stellar results. Let me assure you, dear reader, that this time will be entirely different. vector_black will be completely in charge. As opposed to… not in charge. Or something.

Look! Distraction from the foolishness!
public static String func(boolean import){
   boolean vector = import;
   String chewy = “vector ichi ban”;
   if vector == true{
     return chewy;
   }
   else
     break;
}

(vector_black paradigm shift club)

I was checking my traffic this morning when I realized that both the Warcraft 3 Replays (Now updated with seven, that’s right seven new replays! More coming soon. A lot more. I Suck.) and the Inn Music pages have their own trackers. Imagine my surprise when the Inn Music page strayed from its 40-60 vistor average on Thursday…by receiving 2300 unique vistors! Exclamation mark! Apparently several Japanese sites like this one, and this one too, along with this guy’s Live Journal, seem to think The DORK Club’s Inn Music Database is all the rage. Wee. Of course, this just makes the fact that I haven’t updated that page in over a month all the more embarassing. The thing about updating that page is I have to play through many awful RPGs. I mean, has anyone ever played Treasure Hunter G?

In other news, after logging onto Battle.net last night to get my Warcraft 3 on, and joining Channel Pi (the official channel of the PSF), I was greeted by this winner. Unfortunatly my screenshot fails to capture the fact that he was actually in the channel, his comments more than text I picked up on my way to Channel Pi. Shucks.

Because slash fic has held the top post for long enough!

(vector_black empty space club)

Previously on dorkclub.com’s Super Happy Slash Fiction Luck Fun

Several more days have passed since the previous passing of several days which came after the previous passing of several days that came before that second set of several days passing.

“Halt,” says a voice who is guarding the entrance to The Grand Lord Xanderxerzorg’s Fortress of Pain which the trio (plus one female) has recently arrived at after several grueling days of questing and lovemaking. Except Kid doesn’t participate in the lovemaking because she’s a girl and that’s gross.

“It is Fei Fong Wong,” says Squall, pointing at Fei Fong Wong.

“Who goes there?” asks Fei Fong Wong.

“We are -adventurers- questing to ‘slay’ -Xanderxerzorg- and end his reign of evil terror,” says Cloud, drawing his Buster Sword.

“I hope we won’t have any ‘trouble’ from you,” says Crono, sexually.

“I cannot allow you to pass!” shouts Fei Fong Wong, vigorously.

“I have an ‘idea’” says Squall, who has an idea, “Kid, seduce Fei Fong Wong so we can slip past Fei Fong Wong and ‘slay’ -Xanderxerzorg-.” He says this so Fei Fong Wong doesn’t hear it but Kid and Cloud and Crono can hear it.

“Aye, mate. Bugger.” Says Kid as she removes her top to reveal her glorious under aged breasts, the kind Japanese character designers find so appealing.

Fei Fong Wong looks excited because he likes women as he has yet to discover the benefits of man-loving. “Woe is me,” says Fei Fong Wong. “Should I give in to my -sexual- desires and make yucky man-girl love to this beautiful ‘15-year-old’ girl or should I stand my guard and -slay- these ‘adventurers’? My life is so hard. I want to -sex- but I cannot for it is wrong yet I must. What should I do? I cannot decide.”

“Mate,” says Kid as she approaches Fei Fong Wong, licking her breasts.

Then Fei Fong Wong gets crucified and the quadrupledredtetelation (minus one female) enter the Fortress of Pain, fucking as they go.