The first Warcraft 3 Expansion replays of the season are now online. I had a rather healthy batch of replays I had planned on uploading several weeks ago, but Blizzard patched the game on the very day I was preparing to do so. There’s a nice variety of replays in this batch, including the epic escapades of Team Semen. We’re kickin’ it to the streets, British style.

So… Thursday.

Currently I’m employed at an aquatic entomology lab as a student assistant (read: peon). I sort samples… I help the researchers with their field work… all in all, a good gig. Except for yesterday when I got my damnfool self sent to the hospital for heat exhaustion, but we won’t talk about that.

Thursday, however, is when it gets interesting. I’ll be going back out into the rice fields (where I do my field work) to do my thing. This time, though, they’ll have been newly sprayed with the pesticide known as Warrior T. Now, when it comes to industrial insecticides, Warrior T is about as nasty as it gets. Placed on a federal “restricted use” list due to its extreme toxicity, Warrior T (lambda-cyhalothrin) is a “broad spectrum” insecticide, meaning it kills everything from insects to amphibians to birds to humans. It’s this last item that concerns me, especially considering that Warrior T is known to penetrate straight through most protective gear.

So, I suppose my point is that if I don’t post in a week, you can assume that I’ve headed off to the great field biology lab in the sky and that the DORK staffers can divvy up my stuff.

That’s all.

(vector_black fancy banana cookery recipe)

The end.

The next chapter of Six Hours Till Victory is now online. We’re almost done folks! I’m particularly exicted seeing as how I have things to talk about which don’t concern creepy rabbits. Video game things.

The next chapter of Six Hours Till Victory is now online. You could rejoice, but I’d suggest against it. As always (that one time), I’m going to say my things (thingzorz) then link you to the new chapter (5). Humor me for an instant and pretend you can’t see the ugly green link a few lines down, okay? Okay. This chapter turned out much, much longer than I had originally intended. Thankfully, both vector_black and ShootMe were on hand to lend their voices to dorkclub.com and keep you entertained! That deserves some rejoicing! This is the chapter which finally answers the question “why the hell is Cuba Gooding Jr. so prominently displayed on the teaser image?” So, that’s got to count for something… in stupidland! Stupidland! Did you see that?! Christ, I’m hilarious. Pretending like that zany aside never happened, the chapter ended up being so damned long because the majority of it is Metal Gear: Solid-esque chit-chatting dialogue of the lamest degree. Again, rejoice if you feel the need to. I sure is gooding at the ramblinging. Ing. Here is the new chapter!

Updating from class again! Wow!

For those of you who have been looking forward to the next ShootMe update (Hi Mom!) I’m afraid this isn’t it. This is just random bitching. Because the Internet Powers That Be - whom I pay $50 a month for anal rape and free bonus DSL - have decided that I must keep my non-working DSL modem hooked to my phone jack for the next 72 hours. Which means my working 56k modem must stay unplugged. Which means that once I’m home for the weekend (four hours from now) I will have absolutely no Internet access.

So far, it feels like the day before surgery when you’re not allowed to eat anything. My left hand is currently curling into an unnatural cramped position and twitching every so often.

Oh, and my hair is falling out.

Further updates as developments warrant.

Oh wait - I CAN’T UPDATE!!!!1111 AH HA HA AH HA AH AH AH hhgahahhaahhshdadjfdykkgfkkfk ~stare~.

I think I will go cut off my pinky now! That will relieve my boredom!

Time for a brief sanity break…

Perhaps some of you have noticed the DORK club’s peculiar transformation from a gaming fanboy’s everything/nothing blog into a strange, surrealist fiction factory. If you have, then it falls to me to interject some gibberish of my own.

And so I present to you… the death of all bananas.

The gist of the article is that, through generations of selective breeding, all yellow grocery store bananas are of the Cavendish variety — sterile, genetically identical, and vulnerable to every pathogen nature can throw at it. Fun, no? Well, nature’s come up with a good one, this time: the Black Sikatoka fungus. Apparently destroying banana plants at an alarming pace, the fungus’ spread is projected to eliminate the world’s stock of Cavendish banana plants within the next ten years.

It sounds suspiciously to me like an evil genius’s plot come to fruition.       …If the United Nations fails to pay me 10 miiiilion dollars into my numbered Swiss account, I shall… destroy… the world’s… banana supply!

Bwahahahahahaha!

(vector_black bwahahahahaha! recipe)

Boo!

Chapter 3 of Six Hours Till Victory is now online. This chapter’s a little screwy, as it doesn’t follow the format of the rest of the article. While most (read: all) of the other chapters represent an hour or less of time, this chapter represents a little over a week, starting at four hours before “victory” up until about a week after “victory.” I had originally intended this chapter to be its own article, as evidenced by its length and more self-contained (I guess…) nature. It basically establishes the locations, people, and framework for what is to follow. Or something. I’m going to stop typing now. Here is chapter 3.

I had originally intended on including these in a series of updates which I might collect into a single article at a later date. Then I realized that wouldn’t work. Next I planned on including them in a very, very long article. Then I realized that wouldn’t work. Now, I think I have a solution…

A new article is online, kind of. Each day I’ll upload the next chapter until the thing is complete (most likely a week from today). Not only will this force me to write a new segment each and every day, rather than leaving the article ignored for the next six months, but it will also ensure I write a corresponding update, no matter now minimal, with each new chapter. Wee.

You’ve already read the first chapter (or didn’t read, as the case may be), over the course of the weekend. I’m going to link you to it regardless. The link to chapter 2 is at the bottom of the page. Chapter 3 will be online tomorrow. Chapter 4 will follow the day after that. You got the hang of this system yet?

So, without further ado, the new article:

Society >> Six Hours Till Victory
           by Wedge55
Six times infinity is still infinity.