The comments aren’t working any more, the forums have been offline for like 8 months now, and I’m completely unable to edit old posts as the spam comments continue to pile up. I’m seriously considering wiping this baby clean and starting again from scratch, backend-free and single author style. But that’s not the topic of the update at hand.

There’s this guy in our guild named Nutman who insists he’s just nine and half years old and is the awesomest little dude in the world. He�s been in and out of our guild several times (but spends more time in than out) and even created his own guild for a week or two called �the furious nuts of HELL.� It�s difficult to accurately describe just what makes Nutman so awesome and it�s entirely impossible to reproduce his strange brand of existence. He�s the sort of guy who has no problem spending an entire Saturday jumping off Thunder Bluff or fishing in Orgrimmar. I�m not really sure what he actually does while he�s online, other than talking about urinating poop and continually linking whatever he picks up off the ground in guild chat, as he�s only level 18 despite a hefty amount of playtime.

So, in order to accurately share his glory with the world, the few guild members who are actually reading this should start documenting everything Nutman says, word for word, punctuation for punctuation, and crazy nonsensical phrase for crazy nonsensical phrase. If we accumulate enough of these interesting Nutmanisms, I�ll create a shrine to Nutman featuring an archive of his wisdom right here on the site (the first new feature of the new dorkclub.com?). I�ll certainly be doing my part, but I�m not online 24 hours a day (both a blessing and a curse, they say), so it�ll be up to others to help see this dream a reality.

Also, because everyone keeps asking just where the new DORK Club forums are, Lokni/Krzysean has been kind enough to set up some (temporary, I tell myself) forums right here. They�re in desperate need of some activity, so get cracking.

Apparantly Six Apart charges for Movable Type now. What the fuck?

Today was maintenance day in the World of Warcraft, a special time that comes but once a Tuesday during which the servers are brought offline so that Blizzard can stealthily implement server-side bug fixes and balance changes without telling anybody else. However, when the servers game back up around noon, there were four new servers among them, one of which was a PvP server. Seeing as how we already had the largest Horde guild on Tichondrius and the largest Alliance guild on Kil’Jaedin, we decided to extend our sphere of power and create another massive Horde guild on the newly formed Spirestone. Vector_black and I quickly created new characters and set about speeding through our early quests and amassing the ten silver required to purchase a guild charter. But when we first signed on we were met with an awesome sight and proof positive that Blizzard’s queues were (and are) a good thing.

There were players everywhere. We accepted our first quest and tried to kill some boars in the neighboring valley, but it was quite the task, seeing as how they would each get tapped by one of the hundred or so players running around the starting area trying to complete the exact same quest. Thankfully, the game has a dynamic spawning system which respawns creatures at a rate relative to the number of people in a particular area. Because the area was so overcrowded, monsters were literally respawning within fifteen to thirty seconds. It was absolute chaos.

Still, we persevered, completed a few quests, and finally set out to kill the dangerous scorpion Sarkath, only to find a large group of players standing directly over his corpse, waiting patiently for him to respawn and hoping against hope that they would be the ones to tap it.

Thankfully we were able to tap old Sarkath on our second attempt with the help of three other players. We then completed one or two other quests in the Valley of Trials before leaving dramatically underpowered and with many quests unfinished. However, because there were two of us, we were able to murder enough marines and sailors at the nearby Tiraguard keep to earn enough money to buy our charter.

So, with the server a little more than two hours old, we got our signatures and raised our newly found Sea Men (whose name should be changed in about week) from 0 members to 65, making us the largest Horde guild on the server as I signed off.

And though the highest level characters on the server were only level 11, there were already naked night elves running through Orgrimmar.

Friday’s raid was, far and away, the most successful raid event (raid event, he typed) this guild has ever had.

We met up with members from fellow Horde guild Nephilim at Grom’gol before heading out to Duskwood to lay waste to any and all Alliance unfortunate enough to cross our path.

However, no more than ten seconds passed after leaving the gate before our complete lack of organization reared its ugly head and the very same group which had once so pristinely posed for a screenshot mere moments before was scattered across the zone. Chaos continued to reign as I tried to help lower level characters through the jungles of Strangelthorn, others waited at Nesingwary’s encampment, and still others charged ahead to whatever that Alliance town in Duskwood is called. After some hectic yelling and screaming, we finally regrouped outside town and proceeded with our raid.

Five minutes later it was over.

I get the feeling some Alliance players on Tichondrius must know about this site’s existence, because there sure were a lot level 60 Alliance in Duskwood than had a right to be there. Included among them was a certain level 60 Night Elf priest who likes to show up at all of The DORK Club’s raids. We frantically fought the best we could (and I learned how to jump on top of a building), but in the end we were out-manned and out-leveled, having no choice but to retreat to lick our wounds.

We quickly decided to switch gears and continents and head to Ashenvale to attack Astranaar instead. Our group split up and we made our way to Splintertree Post individually, gathering a few new recruits along the way and losing a few others. Eventually we were all mounted and ready to ride in Ashenvale with enough time to spare to pose for yet another screenshot.

We then lined up in our Convoy O’ Death formation, set our characters to walkand slowly made our way across Ashenvale. The confused scurrying of any Alliance within spitting distance and the tendency for Horde players to stop, stare, and ask just what the hell was going on was more than worth painfully slow movement speed.

Eventually we made it to lovely Astranaar and then proceeded to kill every player, guard, and NPC in the city, including the deadly flight master. Bored with the burning remains of the night elf town and drunk with power, our group continued raping and pillaging our way through Darkshore toward the crown jewel old gym sock of the Alliance: Auberdine. We proved quite the opponent for the sleepy town, decimating two-thirds of it before deciding to board the boat from Auberdine and take our fight all the way to the night elf home land of Teldrassil. Unfortunately, as some of us began making our way towards the docks a ship pulled up and unloaded a fresh batch of high level Alliance recruits who, with some help from the newly respawned guards, proceeded to brutally kick our asses.

Many resurrections and lost causes later, the tattered remains of our raid group stormed Astranaar for yet a second time. Once again we decimated the city, though this time the Alliance was prepared, as a few high level characters, including one particularly deadly level 60 rogue, put up quite a fight. We caused as much chaos as possible before the same bunch of players who had ruined our fun in Auberdine arived in Astranaar, pushing us from the city completely.

All told, we spent two and half hours making life a little more difficult for the Alliance and had a hell of a lot of fun doing it. Next week our aim will be Teldrassil itself and the large number of freshly created night elf characters it harbors. Maybe I’ll even take some decent screenshots.

In news in no way related to any of the aforementioned news, this here Sin City trailer rocks it in the oldest, most schoolest sense of rocking it.

You know the drill, kids. Raid this Friday at 7:00 PM PST (that’s server time). We’ll meet at Grom’gol, which means I’ll be there by myself and will summon the rest of you lazy bastards there. Then we’ll just roam Stranglethorn and/or Duskwood ganking folks.

So. That’s what’ll happen.

We’ll be raiding the Wetlands, including any and all Alliance cities therein, this Saturday at 1:00 PM PST. We’ll meet up at Tarren Mill before carving our path of destruction across the countryside. As always, players of all levels are welcome. Players can get to Tarren Mill by walking south through Silverpine Forest from the Undercity and continuing to Hillsbrad.

The DORK Club is also having its first official guild contest. Participants must write and record a DORK Club theme song of awesome proportions and then send it in to me at wedge55@dorkclub.com. The winner will receive a full tuxedo suit hand-crafted by the lovely Pfhor. Our panel of judges will select the winning entry just as soon as we have enough entries to judge.

Somebody should really do more with this webspace.