Look, I’m updating my personal site while on the clock. For the first time ever, I’m finally making proper use of this Internet thing.

My mysterious employer has asked me to work full time for my first two weeks in order to get things rolling. So don’t expect any new content on this site in that time. Man, this week’s round-up is going to be pathetic.

On a more positive note, I now how have an hour-long BART ride each way to get caught up on my Pokemon catching.

Ukrainian developer GSC Game World has released a stunning new trailer showing off the DirectX 10 effects in their upcoming S.T.A.L.K.E.R. expansion. The newly-implemented lighting and shadow effects are jaw-dropping, and promise to make an already visually-impressive title all the more gorgeous. One thing’s for certain: No FPS/RPG hybrid has ever looked so good.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky will be available to bring graphics cards to their knees on August 29th.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky running in DX10 - Wow! [CVG]

Once again proving why it’s the most successful games developer in the world, Blizzard rejected an offer by talentless German film director Uwe Boll to direct a World of Warcraft movie.

Blizzard’s Paul Sams told Boll, “We will not sell the movie rights, not to you… especially not to you. Because it’s such a big online success, maybe a bad movie would destroy that ongoing income.” And if there’s one thing Uwe Boll knows how to do, it’s make bad movies.

Said Boll, “To be honest, the real gamers are the typical download guys, right? They don’t pay anything for movies, because they illegally download the movies. So why I should please these guys? I need the normal audience.”

Unfortunately for Boll, his previous video game adaptations such as House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale haven’t attracted that “normal audience” either. At least the man knows how to dream big.

Blizzard Rejects Uwe Boll’s World of Warcraft Movie; Boll Explains Importance of Ignoring Game Fans [Shacknews]

Todd McFarlane is doing what he does best: Redesigning other people’s creations. The famed comic book artist will be offering clear plastic “Active Camouflage C.Q.B. Spartan” and Spawn-inspired “E.V.A. Hell Spartan” figures at this year’s San Diego Comic-Con, which runs from July 24-27. The two Spartans will come packaged together for an unknown price and cannot be purchased separately.

Well done, Mr. FcFarlane. An unpainted Spartan-shaped mound of plastic and yet another Spawn-colored action figure. Truly your creativity knows no bounds.

‘HALO 3′ COMIC-CON EXCLUSIVE FIGURE ANNOUNCEMENT & PHOTOS [Spawn.com via Xbox 360 Fanboy]

I’ve been down on Cracked’s content in the past (notable exception: the life-changing Monkeysphere article). Despite pulling in extremely talented comedians and writers to generate their content, the site unfortunately falls back on uninspired top ten lists time and time again. But it’s hard to fault a top ten list that covers the most hotly-anticipated vaporware games, and even includes a healthy does of Hellgate: London hate. And while it’s difficult to imagine Project H.A.M.M.E.R. as a game that anyone was actually looking forward to playing, Cracked’s write-ups of StarCraft: Ghost, Shenmue 3, and Metroid Dread are right on the money.

Congratulations, Cracked. With this single article you’ve proven yourself to be a more worthwhile gaming site than GamesRadar.

10 Highly Anticipated Video Games You’ll Never Get To Play [Cracked]

Valve has released the latest in their series of videos introducing gamers to Team Fortress 2’s colorful cast of classes. Today we finally get some face time with the speedy scout who, it turns out, is a smug, cocky bastard. And with good reason: Anyone who’s been out-gunned by a tiny man with a metal bat knows that just because the scout may not have much life, he’s still a force to be reckoned with at the hands of a skilled player.

I’ve been hired as a part-time member of the community team for a free-to-play MMO publisher. I start tomorrow, so expect this site to be mostly quiet on Monday and Tuesday.

I do, however, fully plan to continue updating this site with something resembling the breakneck pace of the last month once I’ve had a few days to settle into my new responsibilities.

Once again taking inspiration from Geoff Frazier, the name of my employer and the games they publish won’t be mentioned here. Although unlike ol’ Shlonglor, I won’t litter the site with “clever” hints as to the identity of my employer. You’re welcome.

Because most of the people posting video game news in any sort of professional capacity know about the news before they post it, waiting for embargos to lift before sharing the information with the Internet, each morning tends to begin with an explosion of gaming news. Just a few hours into the day, however, most sites go quiet, having already regurgitated the new press releases, screenshots, and videos of the day. Particularly ambitious sites post news around the clock, stretching the definition of “news worthy” by covering Super Mario Bros. quilts, StarCraft tattoos, and Portal cakes.

Because I only cover topics I’m at least marginally interested in here, I tend to run out of content for the day fairly quickly, which is why I’m rarely left with anything post-worthy after noon or so. There are, after all, only so many MMO and DLC announcements on any given day.

So, let’s celebrate another week of half-days filled with gaming news by reliving all the best stories posted on this site during the past week which, coincidentally, just happens to be every story posted on this site. Nothing but gems here.

Monday:
Wedge55’s Game Journal - April 14
Quake engine family tree
One million concurrent Chinese connections set WoW record
Scottish schools add video games to curriculum
Mortal Online announced
Nightly Update: From the pages of history

Tuesday:
Video: Oblivion by way of Crysis
MGS4 Bluetooth heaset is ugly, expensive
7 of Pirates of the Burning Sea’s 11 severs to walk the plank
Rumor: Engrish gaming blog claims Beyond Good & Evil 2 may be in development
GTA-wannabe MMO Crimecraft announced
Wii Fit priced, dated for US
Metal Arms, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory coming to Xbox Originals

Wednesday:
Wedge55’s Game Journal - April 16
Soul Calibur IV dated, premium edition detailed
Team Fortress 2 Medic’s upcoming arsenal revealed
Mod makes Unreal Tournament 3 2D
Video: Yahtzee likes half of Condemned 2

Thursday:
New classes coming to Mythos
Blizzard interviews itself, reveals new Wrath of the Lich King details
Video: GameTrailers’ Star Wars Retrospective Episode III
Age of Conan open beta coming exclusively to FilePlanet

Friday:
Wedge55’s Game Journal - April 18
New Mortal Kombat game features Batman, no blood or fatalities
Call of Duty 4 sells 9 million copies, 1 million map packs
Mass Effect DLC “Bring Down the Sky” free on PC
Namco Bandai announces PowerUp Forever
Video: Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe trailer

A Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe trailer and a link to GamesRadar. Truly, these are desperate times.

In Midway’s first trailer for the recently-revealed fighting game, we see Sub-Zero and Batman come to blows, a great many metallic letters floating through stormy skies, and little else, though GamesRadar does promise more details on the game at 4:00 PM PST today.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is releasing this fall on the PS3 and Xbox 360, right alongside the apocalypse.

Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe: First trailer! [GamesRadar]

No doubt trying to cash in on the success of freeware PC shooter Warning Forever, Namco has announced their upcoming endless survival shooter PowerUp Forever, to be released on XBLA and PSN at an undisclosed point in the future.

Like Warning Forever (no relation) and Xbox Live Aracade shooter Geometry Wars, PowerUp Forver challenges players to stay alive as long as possible and best their high score rather than overcome a series of predefined challenges. Players can destroy enemy ships to grow larger and more powerful, but in doing so their enemies will also increase in size and power.

Naming similarities aside, PowerUp Forever should prove a worthwhile diversion for anyone who enjoys more Robotron: 2084 than Gradius in their shooters.

Namco Bandai Reveals PowerUp Forever [1UP]