Look, I’m updating my personal site while on the clock. For the first time ever, I’m finally making proper use of this Internet thing.

My mysterious employer has asked me to work full time for my first two weeks in order to get things rolling. So don’t expect any new content on this site in that time. Man, this week’s round-up is going to be pathetic.

On a more positive note, I now how have an hour-long BART ride each way to get caught up on my Pokemon catching.

I’ve been hired as a part-time member of the community team for a free-to-play MMO publisher. I start tomorrow, so expect this site to be mostly quiet on Monday and Tuesday.

I do, however, fully plan to continue updating this site with something resembling the breakneck pace of the last month once I’ve had a few days to settle into my new responsibilities.

Once again taking inspiration from Geoff Frazier, the name of my employer and the games they publish won’t be mentioned here. Although unlike ol’ Shlonglor, I won’t litter the site with “clever” hints as to the identity of my employer. You’re welcome.

Because most of the people posting video game news in any sort of professional capacity know about the news before they post it, waiting for embargos to lift before sharing the information with the Internet, each morning tends to begin with an explosion of gaming news. Just a few hours into the day, however, most sites go quiet, having already regurgitated the new press releases, screenshots, and videos of the day. Particularly ambitious sites post news around the clock, stretching the definition of “news worthy” by covering Super Mario Bros. quilts, StarCraft tattoos, and Portal cakes.

Because I only cover topics I’m at least marginally interested in here, I tend to run out of content for the day fairly quickly, which is why I’m rarely left with anything post-worthy after noon or so. There are, after all, only so many MMO and DLC announcements on any given day.

So, let’s celebrate another week of half-days filled with gaming news by reliving all the best stories posted on this site during the past week which, coincidentally, just happens to be every story posted on this site. Nothing but gems here.

Monday:
Wedge55’s Game Journal – April 14
Quake engine family tree
One million concurrent Chinese connections set WoW record
Scottish schools add video games to curriculum
Mortal Online announced
Nightly Update: From the pages of history

Tuesday:
Video: Oblivion by way of Crysis
MGS4 Bluetooth heaset is ugly, expensive
7 of Pirates of the Burning Sea’s 11 severs to walk the plank<
Rumor: Engrish gaming blog claims Beyond Good &; Evil 2 may be in development
GTA-wannabe MMO Crimecraft announced
Wii Fit priced, dated for US
Metal Arms, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory coming to Xbox Originals

Wednesday:
Wedge55’s Game Journal – April 16
Soul Calibur IV dated, premium edition detailed
Team Fortress 2 Medic’s upcoming arsenal revealed
Mod makes Unreal Tournament 3 2D
Video: Yahtzee likes half of Condemned 2

Thursday:
New classes coming to Mythos
Blizzard interviews itself, reveals new Wrath of the Lich King details
Video: GameTrailers’ Star Wars Retrospective Episode III
Age of Conan open beta coming exclusively to FilePlanet

Friday:
Wedge55’s Game Journal – April 18
New Mortal Kombat game features Batman, no blood or fatalities
Call of Duty 4 sells 9 million copies, 1 million map packs
Mass Effect DLC “Bring Down the Sky” free on PC
Namco Bandai announces PowerUp Forever
Video: Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe trailer

Five new Warcraft 3 replays are now online at the usual place, and with them comes the first fifth of a massive new feature on Warcraft 3 strategy. Not useful strategy, mind you, just the sort of strategy we tend to employ in these wacky replays of ours.

This feature was originally intended to be little more than a brief footnote at the bottom of the replays page, a short definition of terms for everyone too busy to keep up with years worth of The DORK Club extended family’s Warcraft 3 lingo. Of course, as an obsessive-compulsive nutcase, I couldn’t leave things so unfinished. So enjoy this needlessly in-depth exploration of Battle.net stupidity that would’ve been relevant six years ago.

This new feature also serves as the testing ground for the site’s new look, which as you can see, looks almost exactly like the old one. Specifically, it looks like the site currently should. It’s been a year since I re-redesigned the site, so I figured it was finally time to correct some of those formatting quirks. The new code will migrate to the rest of the site just as soon as I’m confident my faux columns and CSS wizardry display at least marginally well on computers other than my own.

Another day, another seven hours of downtime. I honestly start the day with an idea for a relevant introduction to make these weekly round-ups slightly more worthwhile, but waking up to find the site’s been offline since 2:00 AM gets me too upset to bother writing it.

I’ve looked into other hosting solutions, and found one that gets rave reviews across the board and offers a fantastic feature set. Unfortunately, it costs more than twice what I’m paying at my current host, and I just started another billing cycle here less than a month ago. If this site goes offline just one or two more times, however, I’ll suck it up and shell out for the superior host, even though it means I’ll probably have to eat the cost of the eleven months of hosting I’ve already paid for here. And it actually looked like this site was going to pay for itself this year.

But enough talk! We have a week to review:

Monday:<
Stephen King: Video games aren’t the problem
Dawn of War 2 website finally live, content sparse
Lost Odyssey DLC coming to Japan this week
Demigod exlusive to Impulse
Video: Red vs Blue seriously returns to Halo
DS needs Gauntlet badly
Rumor: Microsoft working on motion controller

Tuesday:
Free Kane & Lynch DLC coming April 17th
EA extends Unreal Engine 3 license to cover at least five more games
First details on THQ’s Warhammer 40K MMO
Mass Effect PC delayed
Games for Windows Magazine is dead; long live Games for Windows Magazine

Wednesday:
Ikaruga now available on Xbox Live Arcade
WoW addon lets RP players keep servers pure
Rock Band dev: Wii needs a bigger fridge
Video: Yahtzee reviews No More Heroes

Thursday:
Lair to finally get analog controls
Video: Halo 3 Legendary Map Pack mapmaker documentary
The Chronicles of Spellborn delayed to Fall 2008
Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People coming to WiiWare
NCsoft vows to down private servers, collect p|-|@7 L007z
Video: Warhammer Online closed beta footage
Metal Gear Solid 4 Limited Edition detailed, exclusive to GameStop

Friday
Video: Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People trailer
Hellgate: London is big in Korea
Wrath of the Lich King enters alpha
Left 4 Dead delayed. Again.
The Witcher gets patch, adventure editor
Actually, Hellgate: London isn’t big in Korea — Or anywhere

It’s the end of an era: After twenty-seven years, Ziff Davis’ Games for Windows Magazine is throwing in the towel. PC gaming is dead, etc.

GFW’s editor in chief Jeff Green shares his heartfelt sentiments on his blog, writing:

For me personally, the closing of Games for Windows: The Official Magazine is not just a business decision (though, obviously it’s exactly that in reality), but feels more akin, in fact, to the passing of a loved one. Drama much? Well, you can scoff if you want, but the fact of the matter is that I have poured my heart and soul into this magazine, month after month after month, for over 10 years now. Every four weeks for 10 years I have done my best to get a quality magazine out the door, and the fact that I don’t have that deadline now is not in any way, despite the temptation to go for gallows humor, a source of relief. It feels like a giant gaping hole in my life.

He goes on to explain that though Games for Windows the magazine will no longer exist in print, all of its content will be folded into the 1UP site. As such, GFW’s editors will now be able to deliver the same sort of content the magazine has always featured, but in a much more timely (and free!) manner. Green hopes the shift in format will also allow them to focus on topics that have previously been out of reach for a monthly magazine such as mods and patches.

All in all, the magazine’s end seems to have more marks in the positive column than the negative. Here’s hoping all of GFW’s talented writers and artists find a permanent home at 1UP.

CGW/GFW 1981-2008 [Jeff Green's 1UP Blog via Voodoo Extreme]

The PC version of Bioware’s 22nd century RPG has been delayed a few weeks from May 6 to May 28.

Chris Priestly, Bioware’s community coordinator, writes, “The additional time will allow us to incorporate more play-testing feedback, add extra polish and tune the additional features so that Mass Effect is a natural and outstanding PC gaming experience.”

Unlike the Xbox 360 version of Mass Effect, which was published by Microsoft, the PC version (which Bioware insists is more than a simple port) will be published by EA and will feature improvements to the inventory and decryption systems as well as additional interface tweaks.

Mass Effect PC Release Date Changes – New Date May 28, 2008 [Mass Effect Community Forums via Blue's News]

Besides scoring a blowout preview of the recently-announced Warhammer 40K RTS Dawn of War 2, the latest issue of PC Gamer also has the first details on THQ’s Warhammer 40K MMO.

The title will have more in common with World of Warcraft and other traditional MMORPGs than MMO shooters like Planetside, but will feature a deep combat system that focuses on cover, suppressive fire, and flanking.

THQ promises combat on a much larger scale than what we’ve seen from MMORPGs like EA Mythic’s Warhammer Online, with players forming squads to explore “alien temples, Chaos shrines, deserted battlefields, mysterious ruins, ancient structures, and … space hulks.”

Most exciting, however, is creative director Joe Madureira’s claim that the Warhammer 40K MMO will have the “coolest looking characters of any MMO ever.” Madureira promises “tons of stuff hanging off your character, weapons, scrolls,” and that once THQ begins releasing images of the game, fans are welcome to call him on his claim.

And while the world needs another big budget MMO vying for our free time like it needs a kick in the teeth, consider me cautiously excited in spite of THQ’s non-existent MMO track record.

Actual WH40K MMO details here [CVG]

EA has extended and expanded their 2006 license agreement with Epic Games, allowing the publisher to use Unreal Engine 3 in more than five upcoming titles currently in development. At present, EA is keeping their mouth shut as to what any of those five titles may be.

Since licensing the engine in 2006, EA has used UE3 for Medal of Honor Airborne and the recently-released Army of Two. Clearly, the publisher is more satisfied with Epic’s engine that other developers.

In fact, Frank Gibeau, President of EA Games, said, “With the largest and most talented studio operation in the world, it’s critical for us to give our studio teams the best tools they need to make great games. This agreement reflects our commitment to Epic’s technology which, in combination with our own cutting-edge systems, allows us to create ground breaking hits.”

Epic, EA Announce Unreal Engine 3 License Extension [Gamasutra]

Eidos is bringing four new multiplayer maps to Kane & Lynch: Dead Men. The new maps will come conveniently bundled in a free map back titled The Dope Bag, which will be free to download over PSN or Xbox Live starting on April 17.

Each of the four maps will expand upon the game’s Fragile Alliance multiplayer mode, which promotes greed and betrayal and tasks the player with coming out ahead through any means necessary. The four maps, Clean Cut, Flying High, Hasta La Vista, and Hooker’s Trail, are set in an LA construction site, a Venezuelan jungle, the streets of Havana, and Tokyo, respectively.

No word on when this new content will be arriving on the PC.

Eidos Offering Free Multiplayer Maps for Kane & Lynch: Dead Men [Gaming Today]