To celebrate birthdays, the roomies in our little household give the gift of bad movies. To make known his displeasure at my having inflicted “From Justin to Kelly” upon him last week, wedge55 forced “House of the Dead” upon me today. And, of course, we promptly took it out of its theft-resistant packaging and watched it. Twice.

Now, as a general rule, I derive pleasure from watching bad films. They’re fun! They make me laugh and grimace! Guilty fun, like throwing cats. “House of the Dead,” however, scraped the very bottom of the enjoyability threshold. It began with sporadic flashes of breast, and then quickly turned into zombie shooting. But, it was like… stupid zombie shooting. It made me angry.

Then there was Liberty, the Asian Super Rave Girl with the special power of “kung fu” (I kid you not — that’s her special power in the dvd menu). She kung fu-ed for a little bit after she ran out of ammo, but then she was bitten to death. She got a game-over screen to commemorate her end. There was the other guy who shot a lot, but he got bitten to death. He didn’t get a game-over screen.

In conclusion, director Uwe Boll is now my enemy.

(vector_black bakes a cake!)