So yesterday I was complaining about the spurious complaints people lodge against each other’s behavior in online games. Today I spuriously complain about how EVERYONE IN EVERY MOVIE THEATRE SUCKS.

I saw Lord of the Rings for the second time tonight in celebration of my little brother’s thirteenth birthday. Secretly for me it was more of a celebration of what an amazing director Peter Jackson is and what a good sign for the digital side of movie making Gollum is, but I didn’t make a big deal of their giving presents to the wrong overweight nerd. For the record: I also bought a hat.

There were Indiana morons (Indiana morons are a very specific breed of moron; they are universally overweight, slutty, and incapable of clearly pronouncing any words but the ones children aren’t stupposed to say) sitting behind us in the theatre. In spite of an entire aisle seperating us, I still heard every word they said.

The little boy complained that the movie was too long and dropped something loudly about halfway through the film, announcing to the theatre that they shouldn’t worry; he would pick it up later. The mother was constantly encouraging the characters to stab each other or put on silly hats, and laughing shrilly at all the most most dramatic portions of the film. Everybody was constantly reminding a biker-type with an unruly beard they called Mike that he was Gimli. Their story doesn’t check out and I found it to be largely irrelevant.

Compounding these problems, the daughter (who had moved an aisle back to register her outrage at being stuck with such a stupid family, a sentiment I wholly understand) was constantly ordering them all to shut up. While I agreed with her on principle, I don’t think we quite see eye to eye on what’s going to reduce the noise level in a theatre: Talking more, or Not.

So apparently the site is currently my show. Tomorrow I’m going to post pictures of my sweet, bare ass, right here on the front page… unless WEDGE has a PROBLEM with that!!