Ulysses isn’t getting read and my postmemory paper isn’t getting written, so I might as well do something semi-productive. METAL GEAR SOLID 2 UPDATE! The justice flows.

I liked listing memorable moments/things I liked about Metal Gear Solid 3. I’m going to do that again with MGS 2, only it would be much more gratifying to list the stuff I hated/found annoying. So I will.

I didn’t even like Metal Gear Solid. Thanks for letting me play it again.

Every time Ocaton/E.E. existed I wanted to stab my brain with a dull, rusty spoon. Ocaton was the single worst thing about MGS. For the sequel, not only do we get two of them, but the original gets several thousand extra layers of annoying slapped on top LET’S ALL HAVE SEX WITH OUR MOTHERS/SISTERS/STEP MOTHERS I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON SHUTUP AND STOP TALKING. GIBOMOSDDDDDDDDDDDDDDdddddddddddddd. And then E. E. can’t swim, but Raiden can, so thank God for that.

After you fight the harrier you have you walk along those pipes for like 5 or 6 seconds, but that’d didn’t stop me from falling off the damn things a couple dozen times. Jack? Jack?! JAAAAAACK!

Too much stuff happens in Big Shell 1 (or whatever it’s called): sneak around, find snake, find bomb dude, find bombs, find more bombs, timed events, go the warehouse, fight fat man, let’s go to the warehouse again, watch out for mines, pacemaker, can I leave yet?, still need to check out that warehouse one more time. Squeezing five hours of gameplay into a tiny, tiny space is admirable. It’s not any fun though.

Vamp and Fortune. I couldn’t possibly care any less about them.

Everything after Snake disappeared into the crowd at the very end made me sad. Tell us what we should pass on to our children, Hideo. Give us the meaning of life. But wait! Chrono Cross does the same thing. Shutup. It’s less preachy/less actual footage of New York.

Every “analysis” on the game that’s found its way onto the Internet.

Still, the game isn’t without its merits. As boring as I found Metal Gear Solid, I honestly enjoyed MGS 2 a great deal more. The narrative was more interesting, though it would have been nice if Kojima/that other dude could have edited themselves here and there (and everywhere). The new play mechanics are far more interesting here than in Twin Snakes (funny, that). So, a list of stuff that was rad.

Raiden. Seriously.

Every time Kojima got to remind us that he’s a pervert/awesome dude.

Raiden’s endgame is just as good as his startgame (beginninggame?) is bad: naked Raiden, crazy Colonel, sword fight with snake, radar movie, fission mailed, metal gear battle arena, Fortune finally shuts up and dies, an arm as a villain, Snake’s a madman, survive to live.

Also! Being completely aware of the last item on my first list up there, it sure is interesting that in each Metal Gear Solid game a s(S)nake (more or less) comes face to face with some personal betrayal and the fact that they’re nothing more than a tool, a weapon, for politicians/the government/the Patriots/some sort of ruling force. And though each snake reacts differently, each puts forth some sort of opposition to fulfilling their role as a weapon. Raiden does it a little louder than Snake or Big Boss, at least at first (Big Boss wins the endurance race), but falls more firmly into his role as tool than either of the other characters. Even more interestingly, he does both within seconds of each other. And I think I’ll leave it at that.

Also: the nature of names in the Metal Gear universe. Discuss.