Few know, if any, of my all-consuming quest for a FREE RADIANT SILVERGUN ISO XXX BOOBZ. I have struggled for years (in Internet time; months to you and me) for this most heralded of files which, even with the most advanced Saturn emulation technology, would allow me to experience Treasure’s GREATEST WORK EVER!!!!!113 at a whopping six frames per second. It does not exist. It cannot be found. Everytime I come anywhere near this mythic rom, I only find myself farther away than I initially started.

My computer is filled with software to help aid in my journey. Should anybody from one of the Internet’s many rom trading outposts desire pirated Playstation games, I have software which allows me to detect any possible security measures implemented on a CD, more software to bypass any of these security features, and still more software to then rip images, sounds, movies, or even the entire damn game straight from that black-bottomed PSX disc. But wait, there’s more. I can convert ISOs to BINs, BINs to ISOs, and provide you with any format of sound file you can possibly imagine. I can burn these things to CDs, create virtual CDs, or compress them into anything from a .zip to a .tar. All I need is somebody who is willing to trade FF7, ripped and compressed into a single 4-disc ISO, for their own copy of what will surely provide non-stop shooting bliss.

But, as I’ve said before, this search has gone on for months and has yielded nothing. I am a beaten man. But the end of one quest merely signals the beginning of another. I have a new treasure to hunt… DRACULA X: RONDO OF BLOOD! Considered by many to be the pinnacle of the Castlevania series – Konami’s single greatest work – Rondo of Blood will be mine, even if I must destroy the Internet to get it. I have the tools, now all that remains is action.

Sound off!