Lemon: useless
Paper: useless
Lymph node: useless
Tuna: useless
Alcohol: useless
Scapula: useless, but doubly so
Scissors: a possibility, but needs more development
Trash can: useless
Soda can: useless, except for the sharp edges
Cholinesterase: useless
Bracers: useless
Sabatons: useless
Pineal gland: useless
Soy: weapon of choice

(vector_black says, “I am not a crook.”)