Thanks to the glory that is Netflix, I’ve been watching lots of westerns in order to get hyped out of my mind for the paperback release of the last book in the Dark Tower series (shipping November first INTERNET SLANG!). Besides Unforgiven and The Searchers, I’ve watched some of the Sergio Leone films that directly inspired King, including For a Few Dollars More; The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly; Once Upon a Time in the West; and Once Upon a Time in America (a western without the west). There’s just something about endless landscapes that are instantly dwarfed by a pair of squinting eyes, gunfights that stretch on for fifteen minutes with only a single bullet ever being fired, and dialogue so sparse that entire scenes go by without anybody saying a word that just makes me happy.

So, why aren’t there any good western video games, western here meaning western as a genre – the “wild west” – rather than its usual usage in video game discussions where it simply means “any game not developed in Japan.” Question mark. Or rather, why aren’t there any good ones. Looking back through the catalog of useless information that is my mind, I’m reminded of plenty of western video games ranging from remarkably average – Gunsmoke, Sunset Riders, Wild Gunmen – to outright terrible – Mad Dog McCee, Red Dead Revolver, Dead Man’s Hand. Hell, the best western (Best Western Hotels!) “video game” is that western-themed level from TimeSplitters 2.

Future prospects like GUN and the video game version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (from Bits Studios, God help us) don’t look any more promising. Maybe after everybody gets bored of street racing and living da thug life, we can see a massive influx of western video games. Or the return of the mascot platformer. Either one, really.